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Ants can’t swim in ranch February 16, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.

What I learned tonight is ants can’t swim in ranch. We all know what ranch is right, that white stuff we put on salad and dip stuff it and it tastes nothing like a ranch. I noticed tonight a huge jar of ranch dressing with the lid off sitting on the table, this was weird ranch because it had black dots everywhere. Upon a further review I saw the black dots were ants, they could not swim in this ranch. Ants can swim however, just check out this sweet video.

*chances are there is one ant harmed in the filming of this video*

Wow, that is amazing, right? Did you see the wake that ant was leaving behind him, so fast. One regret in life is I was not there to capture in my mind the movement of the graceful ant in the ranch. Why could it not swim? Many factors come to mind when thinking about this very issue, let’s go over them now.

  1. This was thick ranch, it was high quality none of that thin watery stuff you get at truck stops and organic food store. I wonder though what the right mixture of ranch to water is, 2:1 perhaps? Think ranch = poor swimming conditions. If you every watch a swim meet the people in the middle lanes win most often because the outside lanes are what we experts call “sticky water.” It is called sticky water because there is a high ranch content on the edges of pools then anywhere else.
  2. They ate too much. Who has not dreamt of swimming in there favorite food. Maybe the ant just ate too much ranch and could not even move. You know what they always say “when you stop moving in ranch, you’re dead.”
  3. There was a war, I am sure ants are war like creatures, similar to orcs and goblins. They may have been fighting and the casualties landed into his or her internal grave, the ranch bucket. It is interesting to think, but maybe it is not really its internal grave because I moved the ranch bucket (internal grave) into the garbage can, that went into the dumpster, that will go into a land fill. I guess what I am trying to say is the ants internal grave is really the dump.  This also reminded me of the story I heard once or twice about the people building those huge hydro eclectic dams and fall into the wet cement and it would be impossible to get them out so there they sit, in the dam. This may or may not be true, but God bless green energy.

Well we learned a lot tonight, did we not? Go from here an educated person and always, “keep on swimming, keep on swimming”



1. Leslie - February 17, 2010

LOL! You always learn such amazing things!

2. Lindsay - February 23, 2010

Dude…where did you find that video? I couldn’t stop laughing at whoever was saying “just keep swimming…” they sounded crazy, but hilarious! Anyhow, very interesting topic. However I would just like to say that in my opinion hypothesis #1 is/was definitely NOT the case, because I know WHERE that ranch was you saw covered in ants, and it WAS NOT a thick, HIGH QUALITY product of ranch!!! I think we BOTH know that for a fact…LOL! But please keep your writing’s coming because I do very much enjoy reading your blog and learning the unusual but clever info that you provide on a nightly basis. 🙂

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