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You don’t need a Steering Wheel. January 29, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
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What I learned tonight is you don’t need a steering wheel in a car. That is right you don’t and it will still drive, actually you don’t even need pedals. If you don’t believe me check this out.

That is right, no steering wheel or pedals, fantastic! I got this sent to me in an email from a good friend and loyal reader this morning and I was stunned. It was a email full of other pictures like this and some words written randomly. The best quote of the email reads like this “NOW a 3-YEAR-OLD can STEAL your car AND DRIVE IT BETTER THAN YOU CAN!” Ok, so that might be a little extreme but at the same time, it is probably true. I am just not sold on the fact that a 3 year old can brake into a car. If they could you think they would, maybe a failed attempt because they can only drive cars with joysticks for controls. I am sure those the channel 4 news people with the perfectly combed hair and goofy smile would love a little 3 year old attempted stolen car story to make there week complete. Which in realty is not a bad thing at least they would stop talking about the swine flu, global warming and some goofy weather prediction that says well 60% chance of rain. Which is silly, because that is just saying, well it might rain, but it might not. Thinking of silly, the more I think the more silly it seems, why would they make a car like this. No one is going to buy it, I mean would you buy a car a 3 year old is going to steal, not me. It is like a huge target, like look at me I have no steering wheel and pedals and all of a sudden 29 3 years olds just appear in front of you, all battling for position to steal that car and drive it off better than you. First off its awkward watching three year olds fight in a parking lot with no parents around, second off you lost your car. I compare this to getting a job at Microsoft and walking into your first day of work chatting on your Iphone and carrying your Mac book pro, you are a target then, I doubt that 29 Bill Gates will jump you when you least suspect it, but you never know. It is always funny how things are so much different once you think about them. Like remember back to the first of this entry, I said the word “fantastic” to describe this car, now all I can think about is getting attacked by 29 3 year olds, creepy! That is something out of some horror film, in fact I need to get a copy right on this story line. If anyone has any ideas on how to go about this let me know. Lets do everyone a favor and not ever buy this car. I appreciate the makers and all there hard work, but its one of those things better left in pictures. We do not want 3 year old crime rate on the rise, it is high enough all ready and I don’t want your car stolen. Lets keep it old school everybody, remember to keep two hands on the wheel, and don’t text while driving.

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Fido means faithful in Latin. January 28, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
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What I learned tonight is Fido means faithful in Latin. You might be saying to your self that this makes a lot of sense because dogs are so faithful. That is not true however. I can prove this by saying I have never met a dog named Fido. Maybe you have, but not me. Is there even a country that speaks Latin? I can’t think of one, can you? Due to that fact that I can’t think of one country that speaks Latin and due to the fact Fido is Latin and due to the fact I don’t know any dog named Fido, how can Fido even mean anything in Latin. It is not like I can go to the country of Lat and ask someone. I Google Lat and got some big American news paper trying to tell me they are the leading source of news. What I am looking for is the leading source of Latin. The next question is, what does Fido mean in English? What I did was Googled it, I mean we google everything, right? This is what it means, “a coin having a minting error” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/FIDO). Wow, no wonder Latin is so cool they take a word and say it means faithful and we take a word and say it means that the Denver Mint messed it up again. Good work Mother British, great language you have given us. Or is it Mother England? It seems lately I will look at a coin and be like wow this one has a major minting error, such a waste of time using all those words. All I need to say is “Fido” and you will all know what I am talking about. They say that texting while driving is dangerous, try driving while looking for fidos now that’s hard, I do not recommend this.

What have we learned from this? We learned that Latin is much more cool than English. We have solved many problems for the United States of America. It seems like everyone is arguing over language, English our national language or is Spanish ok to speak? Well I solved it, let’s use Latin! Let me put it this way, would you rather say to your wife “Thanks for being faithful” or “gratiae namque fido”. Or put it this way, would you rather have your husband be faithful or fido? For a while until this whole Latin thing catches on she might slap you and think you are making fun of your dog, Fido. Or she might say “Yeah that Denver mint sure don’t make coins like they use to.” Well I hope you enjoyed your Latin lesson today, please come back often as my blog from this day forth will be written 100% in Latin.

This was dedicated to the people of Lat.

Big Guns are Awesome. January 27, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
4 comments

Please take a look at that.

What I learned tonight is big guns are awesome. No, I am not talking about my huge biceps that I am assuming you all were thinking when you saw the title. If you watched the video then you saw a gigantic shotgun just destroy 128 clay pigeons in one shot. I think that is quite amazing, and those people are some of the coolest on the planet. To own that gun would be a highlight of my life and I would shoot it often. I mean it took two people to carry it, that is how awesome it is. For you people out there that have no clue really what is going on because you don’t understand it, let me explain. That gun is like rafting down a river on a cruise ship. I mean it is pointless, but to say you did it, would be awesome. It would also be like cutting your pizza with a 40 inch pizza cutter, super pointless, but awesome! If you were as cool as these people you would drive your 1968 mustang to work, even though you work at home. The best way to describe that shotgun to the people who don’t know a gun from a curling iron is to describe it as a volcano on the end of a stick. It is like mixing a Atomic bomb and Gandalf the Grey. By the way if Gandalf the Grey had that shotgun middle earth would have been a much different place. The point is, this gun is awesome. If you ever needed protection from 128 bright orange disks flying at you, then get a gun like this. Buy it, make it, but please do not steal it, just get one.  Sell the car, sell the boat, heck sell your wife’s wedding dress, (why does she need that anyway? Planning on getting married again? Sounds suspicious to me) just do what ever it takes. You will love the feeling of having a weapon stronger than a lava shooting mountain, A bombs and middle earth super hero. Life is to short to not have this gun, have a good one friends.

Sarcasm and Lying are different. January 26, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
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What I learned tonight is, sarcasm and lying are different. I figured this out during an intensive study of the human brain in action along with the brain’s cerebral cortex being hooked up to a brain fragmenting machine, actually it was a facebook chat conversation, but what is the difference, right? I am very sarcastic, meaning I say a lot of sarcastic things, which means I am sarcastic. Really I think being sarcastic is just a lazy way of being funny, so fine call me lazy. To be sarcastic just say things like this to your boss “Sure I will finish that project once I beat this game” or to your girl friend “Oh you are confused, that is easy for you.” On the other hand, people will just lie and call it sarcasm. Such as, “yesterday a dog ate my foot” or “Yeah I am getting married.” Just so you know the first person still has both feet and the second person is not getting married, in fact he is very single. That can’t be sarcasm because it is told as a straight fact and it is not a fact at all. That is called a lie, a bad lie at that. The more I think about it, the more I get super bitter just thinking about all the lies in this world. Lies that are just sarcasm knock offs, it is like calling a liter of coal a liter of Coca Cola, it is wrong! You either have cola or Coca Cola, either sarcasm or a lie. To be honest there is tons of great funny sarcasm out there, I just don’t know of any of it. Let’s try to not lie anymore, ever again. Just for the record politicians are never are sarcastic, they just always lie, don’t forget it! Just remember, I think therefore we are different, but keep practicing.

Someone stole a bunch of Ferrets. January 25, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
7 comments

What I learned tonight was that someone in Mexico stole a bunch of ferrets. Ferrets are those funny, hotdog looking weird animals. They don’t really look like a hotdog, just hotdog like, with fur. I am not a hug fan of them, but I think some people like them. Now this person who stole some ferrets must love them, because what I did not tell you was he or she stole 150 of them! That is a lot of ferrets, I mean I am assuming he or she is going to sell them or something. Think about this, 150 ferrets running around this thief’s house, stealing never pays, right? The first thing I thought of when I heard this was, did he or she steal them all from one place or different places. I really want to think that he or she got them from one place. I bet it went like this.

(I am going to make up a name for this robber, a good gender natural name, Wren.)

Once upon a time this person named Wren was sitting around and wanted to make money, so he decided to break into a house. Wren drove the streets until this one house stuck out to Wren, it was painted green and looked nice. Wren stepped in thought a window and Wren was amazed by what was inside, hundreds of ferrets. Wren did what anyone would do in this situation and started gathering them up one by one and putting them in bags, garbage cans, buckets, anything that was lying around. Dollar signs were in Wrens eyes every time he was bitten, clawed or mauled by 20 or 30 ferrets. Anyway, Wren ended up getting mauled 8 times, bit 23 times and clawed 45 times, but Wren got 150 ferrets, wow Wren is rich.

See what I mean, stealing never pays. What are some other things that would be weird to steal in major bulk is the next thing I thought. How about q tips, that is a funny thing to steal. Rock salt, tooth picks and fish food also comes to mind. I think the ultimate would be bags of ice, how funny would it be if someone stole 80 bags of ice. I mean I guess someone might have a use for them, if someone has a use for 150 ferrets, then who am I to say 80 bags of ice is worthless.

Thanks for reading, and please I urge you people to not steal. Also, don’t be getting mauled, it hurts.

ps. Happy Birthday to my Sister, she is 17 today. Wow time flys.

A race car can run on Chocolate. January 24, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
5 comments

You don’t have to read this article, but here it is. It pretty much says that they made this race car that can run on chocolate instead of gas.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091005123048.htm

My response is, WOW what are we thinking? Like a lot of the things I learn I hear them on the radio while driving my car, when I heard this I about ran off the road. It felt as if my heart was being torn from my body. I think we should not ruin the earth we live on, but are we going to take God’s gift to man, chocolate and just burn it up in gas tanks around the world? We can’t eat gas! Gas don’t taste good. From what I understand there is gas or some form of gas sitting down in the earth and the pump it out and then it goes to our gas stations and we put it in our car. Seems perfect, take something that’s nasty and drive our cars. Instead we take something amazingly good and burn it, that is pointless. That is like taking your computer chopping it up and burning it in your car as fuel, tragic, eh? What else is good? Pizza is good, I would love to put that in a lawn mower so I can mow the grass, I want that worthless fuel to stay in the earth, who needs it anyway? I just happen to have a chocolate bar next to me, lets take a look at the ingredients, sugar, milk chocolate, cocoa butter, lactose, milk fat, soy, pgpr, emulsifier, vanillin, and artificial flavor. Some how all that makes yummy chocolate, why would we waste that in our cars. If my car could talk it would tell me It loves gas. I like chocolate, it likes gas. So why would I give my car chocolate and my self gas. Weird, anyway stand up against this madness, do you want to pay 3 bucks a gallon for your chocolate?

Yesterday was National Penguin Awareness Day January 21, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
3 comments

What I learned tonight was, yesterday was National Penguin Awareness day, and we will call it NPAD for short. I have done zero research to see if this is the truth, because I don’t want to find out it is a fake, this is just to awesome I don’t want to be let down. You might be able to tell that I love to learn things, I also love to be aware of things, I guess maybe they are similar. Being aware of penguins is a life changing experience, you should try it. In fact take 10 seconds right now and think about penguins. How was that? Did you see a lot of black and white, I sure did. Black and white is good, you have black bears and polar bears, crows and swans, chocolate and vanilla, Asphalt and snow, the list goes on and on. All those things are very different, but not the penguin, it makes the two “colors” awesome. It is special to have a day that brings this amazing animal to life. For one day a year we can appreciate this majestic, sea swimming, egg on the foot, black and white master peace of God’s creation. People may like the Lion it is the king of beasts, the horse it is majstic, dog it is humans friend or elephant it is the one with cute babies, but not me, to me it is the Penguin. I for one will be aware of the penguin every January the 20th. I will eat pie, drink dr. pepper and celebrate. I would like you all to do the same, please. A wise man once said “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.” This man is the late Jim Rohn, he was born in Yakima so he must know what he is talking about. I urge you to be disciplined in your awareness of this amazing animal, don’t have the shame and regret of forgetting all about it on it’s very own day, would you forgot your brother or sisters birthday? Do not disappoint me people, work hard, and work on that tan!

N PADers unite!

An after Thought:

A loyal reader has a special website dedicated to these magnificent animals, please check it out!!!

http://www.wou.edu/~ethoreson06/final/

Robotic cockroach is the future of search and rescue January 20, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
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What I learned tonight is that these cool smart people in California are creating a very cheap thing, they call it a cockroach that can climb thought rubble and search for survivors of disaster.

http://liveshots.blogs.foxnews.com/2010/01/19/search-rescue-robotic-cockroach/

Pretty amazing, huh? I am excited for these people to get this thing rolling and tested. This may of came in handy in Haiti as rescue workers searched for many victims of that earthquake last week. Good work by these super smart scientists.

The World’s Tallest And Smallest Men Met. January 19, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
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What I learned tonight was the world’s tallest man and the world’s shortest man met face to face in person, this is pretty amazing. Please watch this video and read the article. Who would you rather be?

http://www.the33tv.com/sns-viral-tallest-smallest-story,0,7132157.htmlstory

You can catch a fish using a spider web. January 18, 2010

Posted by tyjorg in What I Learned Tonight.
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While wondering though the channels on the TV today I noticed a program showing this guy about to go fishing. The thing was he was going to use a spider web to help. I was transfixed as this took place, please have a look.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-hmHuRKYP8

I will try to explain this. So this tribal man living on an island in the pacific collects this spider web from these spiders. He then wraps it up into a stand a couple inches long. After this is gets crazy he ties this to a string that’s attacked to a kite, yes a kite! This kite has another string that the man holds on to. Now I was freaking out how cool this is, as he lets go of the kite it floats out over the water and the spider web just dangles right over the water. Now these needle fish are down there and they can’t bit a hook that’s why they use spider web. These needle fish grab onto this spider web and POW there teeth and scaly nose get caught up and the man reels the fish in, it’s awesome.

It is so weird though, I mean first off he uses a kite! Now kites are so hard to use and him and his buddies are like machines, perfection. I have tried kites a lot of people I know tried kites, they always fail and brake. This mans kite was made out of a leaf, I think anyway, that is hard core. If you go to the coast, its windy there, thousands of people try kites, over 10million kites are damaged or lost a year*! That is how impressive this man was, he had a whole boat load full of this fish, what a guy!

Second off, how did this get started, what a genius man. I bet the guy who invented this method was laughed at so much. I bet they were all mad one day because they want to eat those needle fish but can never catch them. So some guy like walks back to go catch a bird or something to eat and sees a big stuck in a spider web and gets this idea. He takes it back to his friends and they just laugh and laugh. I would probably laugh as well. Anyway this guy try’s this technique over and over till one day after three months of trying it works. Three months of laughing and it works! It is such a heart warming story and a awesome way to fish, my dream is to do this someday!

*this stat is made up.